dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So much rum. So many feels.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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