so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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