I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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