You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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