I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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