nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
