Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
