So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
