yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
