This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
that may or may not have been my penis.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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