Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
