Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
