he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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