Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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