please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
