okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
