oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
