I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
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