I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
home. puking in laundry basket.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
