oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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