I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
