update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My vagina is officially offended.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize