is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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