no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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