Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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