speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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