saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
