Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
