"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
