I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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