dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Randomize
