It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
