just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
