Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
