$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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