I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Swine flu is the new snow day.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
