Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
