You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
