u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
