Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
