Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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