it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
