This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I am naked and annoyed.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize