I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
