i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The power of my boobs compel you
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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