I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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