She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
