i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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