Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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