Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
