Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
