Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
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