ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
people are starting to question the shark bite story
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
