I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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