She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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