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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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