During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
