Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
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Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
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You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
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