I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
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It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
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Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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