can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Pappa wants mamma naked
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
