that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
