Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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