just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
