U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize