She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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