you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
