my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
