So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
