i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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