i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
