Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
