I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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