hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
