this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
cat food counts as protein by the way
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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