I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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